Sadly this was the only way that Gomez could have his gay expericnces and still stay in the closet.., Dubya Juan suddenly realized that his dreams of becoming the 'Tiger Woods' of bullfighting were over, Dubya Bulls Eye!!!??, Dubya 'Eight Seconds' as retold for the Spanish Audience...., Dubya It was obvious to Pedro that the Bull had voted for 'Gore', Dubya Suddenly the fifth annual gay rodeo went from a PG13 to a X rating!, Dubya "Do I make you HORNY, baby?", Crotch Cannibal curse you bull! you've knocked my hat off! it's gonna get all dirty! , Blarx "Bullfighting...it's not for assholes!", Crotch Cannibal it was a dream passed down by cattle from generation to generation and a dream shared by every bull in the latin world. and in Bogota in September, 1997, a bull named Larry turned that dream into a reality., Blarx Using his admittedly unorthadox riding style, Menalo Beltran holds the World Bull Riding record of 13 hours, 21 minutes, 8 seconds., Blarx "Rectum?....it nearly killed him!", Crotch Cannibal "But(t) doctor, he's hurt bad!", Crotch Cannibal "This man survived!...I shit you not!", Crotch Cannibal "Does it hurt when I do this?", Crotch Cannibal (CC) "Bullshit walks, eh? Well, not for a couple weeks!", Crotch Cannibal kinda gives the phrase "Hung like a bull" a whole new meaning, doesn't it? , Tadpolelives Manuel interpreted the phrase, "Take the bull by the horns" a little too literally.,incrediblegobstopper (IGS) Now cough. (IGS) Menalo didn't take it seriously when he heard the bull mutter, "I'm going to rip you a new asshole.", IGS Okay, folks, suspend your disbelief and pretend that bulls can talk. , IGS "Up yours!", CC "Bullfighting...feel the excitement!", CC "This bull is from San Francisco" (ugh, sorry), CC "It's a dirty job, but(t) someone's...", CC "Easy my ass! Let's see you try this!" ,CC Hey, you got your chocolate on my...Nevermind...too gross to finish., IGS When he went to the doctor, Menalo finally figured out what was causing his constipation., IGS "Hey, you got your ass in my horn!"... "No, you got your horn in my ass!"... Reese's Ass Horns...there's no wrong way to stick 'em! , CC Doc, these hemorrhoids feel like they're getting worse. , IGS OWWWWWW! FUCKING OWWWWWWWWWWWW! , Tadpolelives When they said bull's horn can be taken as an aphrodisiac, I don't think this is what they meant. , IGS one bull talking to another bull: "i know this is so cliche, but it really looks like he's got the matador by the asshole." , Blarx Love is a soft and nimble caress. It wears many fragile masks and revolves around all but a few insignificant things...a horn up the ass would be one of those. , CC Guess I have to call off the big date with Maria tonight., Tadpolelives (TL) I hope that doesn't leave a scar., TL My pants! My new pants! TL Before the bullfight begins, Melano primps in front of the mirror. "I hope I make an impression tonight." , IGS Menalo always dreamed of taking it up the ass, but this isn't quite what he meant. ,IGS I think ouch! means uf! in spanish, filterline haha, silly bull, why don't you just take that horn of yours and stick it where the sun don't shiOOWWWWWWW!!! , blarx "My bum is on the Swedish, my bum is on the Swedish...my bum is on the horn..." , CC Tom...Tom Green....is that you???? and here I thought he lost his nut to cancer. , IGS after seeing the pink pantyhose, the bulls gaydar went into overdrive..., blarx Too late, Menalo realized he shouldn't have bent over to tie his shoe. , IGS "Let me just bend down...and...pick..up..my...cape...YEEEEEEOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!! , CC Hey look...a penny! , IGS Bull to matador: "Who's your daddy?" , IGS "Some days you're the windshield... Some days you're the bug..... Some days you're just another matador impaled with a bull horn through your bleeding sphincter by a 750 pound raging ranting bull and it hurts like heck!"., Hobie Lapatka (HL) "Bull to matador: "Need a lift?" , IGS Tickets to Madrid: $1335 Matador outfit: $1400 Bull: $25,000 Being given a colostomy and having it posted all over the internet: Priceless.", DingoesAteMyBaby "When talks between the US and Mexico broke down and Mexico was denied the next round of funding. The hardest hit sector was mass transit, much to the chagrin of it's citizens. As we see Juan take the L-15 to downtown.", HL The bull heard Melano say he wanted it hard and up the ass, but didn't realize he was talking to another matador. , IGS From the Matador Handbook, page 103: Never, NEVER try to moon your opponent., DingoesAteMyBaby "When animals attack...YOUR ASS!!!", CC "Man, they didn't cover THIS in matador school!" , TL "Mr. Beltran learned a valuable lesson: Always check for 1000 pound bulls running at you before leaning over to pick up your hat.", filterline Bull to other bulls: "Hey, check out my new ventriloquist act!" , IGS <puts on Lionel Richie CD> "Stuck on you....", CC The other bulls were overheard from the bullpen shouting,"YO! RALPHIE!! YOU GONNA EAT ALL THAT?" , HL Malano's penis was always the envy of the other matadors. It was long enough and hard enough to prop him up on the bull's ear. , IGS Malano wondered if this was payback for the plate of Rocky Mountain Oysters he had eaten the night before. ,IGS Bull to other bulls: Guy's do you think my new horn decoration is too much? , IGS One the ladies will appreciate: Matador: "Gee, I'm sure glad I wore my red pants today, phew!", CC Does this horn make my ass look big?, IGS That last bowel movement was a killer. I think I might be eating too much red meat. ,IGS "MY HAT!!" , TL In a truly altruistic gesture, the bull helped the matador, who had been choking on his hat. , IGS "What a dis-ASS-ter!", "Who says bulls have no sense of humor?", "That's just ASS-king for trouble!", "Take a bow!" (Madonna song reference), Crowd: "Na Na - Na Na Na Na - Hey Hey Hey - Goodbye!", "...and new Super Colon Blow!" , CC You might say it was a catASStrophe , IGS "What happens when a matador gets horny." , DingoesAteMyBaby "Poor Melano...always the butt of the joke." ,CC